Chipotle Mayo

Was Kelis actually singing about this mayo when she wrote "Milkshake"? Perhaps embarrassed by the food she was dedicated to, or perhaps paid off by the powerful mayo lobbyists, she then re-dedicated the song to a more predictable subject. Read on for what I may have found in her archives...

Best Mayo Ever
- mayo (about 1/2 cup)
- chipotle spice (1.5 dashes)
- Adobo spice with pepper (about 1/2 a dash)
- paprika (1.5 dashes)

Mix together all ingredients. Whip. Enjoy. By the spoonful or on a burger, I don't judge.

...

"Mayo" - Kelis (with a little help)

[Repeat x2]
My mayonnaise brings all the burgers to the grill,
And they're like
It's better than yours,
Damn right it's better than yours,
I can teach you,
But I have to charge

I know you want it,
The thing that makes me,
What the guys go crazy for.
They lose their minds,
The way I wind,
I think its time

[Chorus x2]
La la-la la la,
Mix it up.
Lala-lalala,
The burgers are waiting

My mayonnaise brings all the burgers to the grill,
And they're like
It's better than yours,
Damn right it's better than yours,
I can teach you,
But I have to charge

I can see you're on it,
You want me to teach thee
Techniques that feed these boys,
It can't be bought,
Just know, thieves get caught,
Watch now if you're smart,

[Chorus x2]
La la-la la la,
Mix it up,
La la-la la la,
The burgers are waiting,

My mayonnaise brings all the burgers to the grill,
And they're like
It's better than yours,
Damn right it's better than yours,
I can teach you,
But I have to charge

Oh, once you get involved,
Everyone will look this way-so,
You must maintain your apetite,
Same time maintain your svelte,
Just get the perfect blend,
Plus what you have within,
Then next his eyes are squint,
Then he's picked up that chipotle scent,

[Chorus x2]
Lala-lalala,
Mix it up,
Lala-lalala,
The burgers are waiting,

My mayonnaise brings all the burgers to the grill,
And they're like
It's better than yours,
Damn right it's better than yours,
I can teach you,
But I have to charge

Island of Paradise Salad

Mangoes are the most perfect fruit on the planet. Being math nerds and food-obsessed, my boyfriend and I once created a scatterplot depicting the fruit kingdom, rated on the x-axis for their deliciousness, and on the y-axis for the ease of eating the fruit in question.

Though we may have disagreed on exactly where mangoes lie in the supremacy of fruit, my experiences eating them in the homeland put them squarely at the top of any such list.

As such, I decided to reuse the concept of the mango-pineapple mixture atop a new platform.

- mango chunks (1 cup)

- pineapple chunks (1 cup)

- strawberries (1 cup or 5 hearty red-fellas)

- spinach (2 handfuls)

- gorgonzola cheese (1-2 tablespoons)

- cinnamon-chipotle pineapple glaze

1. Dice the mango and pineapple into similar sized cubes.

2. Slice the strawberries lengthwise, about a quarter of an inch thick.

3. Mix all the fruit and spinach together.

4. Sprinkle gorgonzola on top, generously.

5. Spoon the cinnamon-chipotle pineapple glaze on top -- and get a napkin. It's going to be a delicious mess all over your face.

Sweet and Spicy Fruity-Tooty Whiting Fillets

I cannot believe that it has taken me until May to recall the power of photography to bring food writing to life. Thankfully, my camera phone has found its new calling.

This week, I decided to play with some stuff in my fridge and see what would happen. Whiting fillets were the base of my creation, with a mixture of pineapple and mango pieces that were cooked in a healthy dose of spices.

Ingredients:

- Whiting Fillets (6 fillets)

- pineapple chunks in pineapple juice (1 can)

- mango chunks (8-12 oz.)

- cinnamon

- chipotle spice powder

- balsamic vinegar

1. First, I seasoned the fish with just salt and pepper. Grilled it up on the stove.

2. I diced up the pineapple and mango chunks into even, bite-sized cubes and put them aside.

3. Stirred up about a tablespoon of chipotle powder and 1.5 tablespoon of cinnamon in the pineapple juice, heating on medium heat on the stove. After this started boiling a little, I stirred in about 1/4 cup of balsamic vinegar. I put the fruit chunks into the saucepan. I let this sauce caramelize on the stove.

4. After the fillets were cooked and the sauce properly caramelized and syrupy, I laid out the fillets, then spooned the sauce over it with the fruit chunks on top.

This is perfect whenever you're facing a mango craving -- aka: always.

Sexy Salami Sandwich

When I was in eighth grade, I conducted an science experiment testing the ability of taste buds to differentiate between various flavors. Even at a young age, I was fascinated with the function and capacity of taste buds. I made a sandwich today that reminded me of these tiny taste receptors, in how they felt honored to eat the sandwich thrown together by the leftovers contained in my fridge.

Sexy Salami Sandwich

- Best Mayo Ever

- spinach/sliced strawberries/sliced mushrooms/garlic and herb goat cheese crumbles salad**

- 2 slices of bread

- Salami circles (about 4-5)

- grated swiss cheese

**The spinach/strawberries/mushrooms and goat cheese were combined and left over from dinner last night.

1. Spread Chipotle mayo on both slices of bread.

2. Place 4-5 circles of salami on one slice.

3. Sprinkle grated swiss cheese on top of the salami circles.

4. Toast both slices of bread (open-face) in a toaster oven.

5. Layer the greens (salad) on top of the salami and cheese and place the other slice of bread on top.

After finishing this salad, I didn't want to eat anything else to compromise the flavors I was tasting in my mouth.

Dear taste buds,

You're welcome.

Dinner Party Extraordinaire: Entrees

Coming up on the main part of the dinner, I will mention everything I cooked, but special, doting, loving attention will be given to one of my most favorite things I've ever cooked: shredded chicken tacos. If I could buy enough chicken and chipotle seasoning, I would start a food truck, passing these out to all the miserable strangers I meet and helping spread sunshine across the world. What a wonderful life it would be.

Pizzas

(shout-out to my lovely students who inspired me to be more creative than I thought possible)

- TJ's pizza dough

- pizza or marinara sauce

- salami circles

- fresh basil

- mozzarella rounds

- Roma tomatoes

- Proscuitto

- Cornichons (mini-pickles)

- boiled eggs

Though the party saw only the advent of the basic pizzas (basil, mozzarella, tomato vs. salami, proscuitto, shredded mozzarella), my students and I had a bake off where they made some very interesting pizzas. My favorite was probably the Mickey Mouse pizza, which was shaped into everyone's favorite mouse head by use of numerous kitchen tools in non-traditional ways. It was then given true personality with sliced hard-boiled eggs for eyes and tiny sliced cornichons pieces for a mouth that resembled the coal mouths of snowmen. This was atop the marinara sauce, shredded mozzarella, salami circles and proscuitto. My student claimed it was delicious and ate every bite.

Sliders

- ground beef (1 lb.)

- Garlic and Herb goat cheese (1/3 to 1/2 cup)

- sun-dried tomatoes, chopped (1/4 to 1/3 cup)

- bread crumbs (1/2 cup)

- minced garlic (1 teaspoon / 1 clove)

1. Form mini burgers by mixing all the ingredients together creating patties that are just about 1/2 inch larger in diameter than the burger buns. They will shrink down cooking.

2. Cook in a skillet by browning each side, or grill it up like a grown-up.

3. Serve up on slider buns with only the delicious mayo described below.

Best Mayo of Your Life

- mayo (about 1/2 cup)

- chipotle spice (1.5 dashes)

- Adobo spice with pepper (about 1/2 a dash)

- paprika (1.5 dashes)

Mix together all ingredients. Whip. Enjoy. By the spoonful or on a burger, I don't judge.

Shredded Chicken Tacos

- boneless, skinless chicken breasts (1 lb.)

- chipotle seasoning (3 tsp.)

- ground cumin (1 tsp.)

- oregano (2 tsp.)

- minced garlic (2 tsp.)

- tomato sauce (16 oz.)

- white vinegar (2 tsp.)

- sugar (0.5 tsp.)

- Adobo seasoning with Pepper

1. Mix tomato sauce, chipotle, cumin, oregano, garlic, white vinegar, sugar, and a few dashes of Adobo. Cover.

2. Season both sides of chicken with Adobo, one dash on each side should suffice. Cook chicken on low-med in a skillet with olive oil.

3. When both sides have lightly browned, pour the tomato sauce mixture back into the pan. Wait until the mixture boils, then lower heat to a simmer and cover. The tomato sauce should begin to caramelize in about 15 minutes.

4. If you're afraid that the chicken will dry out, take it out of the skillet and shred it up with two forks (pulling it apart) then keep it on the side until the sauce caramelizes, then combine. If you chose to leave the chicken in the skillet, the last step is to shred the chicken.

5. Serve in tortillas, with mexican rice, black beans, and the garnishes your heart desires. Or wrap up in some tortillas, top off with more of the tomato mixture for a delicious faux enchilada.